Goodbye Letter
by Kairan1979
Summary: Buffy reads Clark's letter. Post-"Doomsday".


**Summary**: _Buffy reads_ _Clark's letter._ _Post-Doomsday._

_* * *_

"_Dear Buffy,_

_If you are reading this letter, it means the battle with Doomsday didn't end well for me, and I had to die to save the world from Ultimate Destroyer. I was warned about the worst possible outcome by a friend from 31st century. So I wrote a letter and asked Oliver to give it to you._

_I really didn't know how to begin this letter. I'm a reporter; my writing is supposed to be fast and smooth. But nothing is fast and smooth when it's personal. _

_I won't ask you not to be upset. Death is never easy, and grief is a part of healing. But, please, don't mourn forever. After all, it's not a worst way to die – battling super-powered monster. Much better than a kryptonite bullet from sniper rifle. _

_There's something you must understand. __Though, being one of the most stubborn women I've met, you probably not going to agree with it. _

_You think that you've lost another man you loved. But the bitter truth is that you __don't__ love me. Never did._

_When you came to Metropolis, you were a complete wreck. You were pulled out of Heaven, literally, only because somebody had to stop an upcoming apocalypse. Wrong choices were made; somebody was killed and you blamed yourself. Then your closest friends turned against you. You were kicked out of your own house. Spike was killed. And – as if war against First, deaths and betrayals weren't enough - Sunnydale disappeared into a sink hole._

_Once I tried to imagine how terrible it was for you – to lose not only your home, but the whole town you protected for seven years. What if Smallville was completely destroyed by meteorites? This thought gives me creeps. _

_After the Big Battle you were completely exhausted, physically and emotionally. You went to Metropolis, alone; it could be Gotham, or Rome, or a North Pole. It didn't matter for you – remember what you've told me? You just desperately needed a huge break from Slayer business; and you wanted to go as far away from ex-best friends as it's possible._

_And then it happened. Buffy Summers met Clark Kent. Alien with secrets that rival your own, who spent a good portion of his life to saving lives and battling evil. Man who was almost as lonely as you were. Who even died and was resurrected, just like you. Man who trusted you completely, and did everything possible to heal your wounded soul. _

_We were so much alike, and you desperately needed closure, Buffy. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that I was completely smitten by you. How couldn't I? You are amazingly beautiful, strong, loyal and brave. It isn't bad that have powers of Slayer - I always had a thing for super-powered girls._

_I was head over heels in love. Damn, half of the Daily Planet saw it coming! Did you know they were taking bets for how long it takes for us to become an item? For the record, Jimmy Olsen won 55 bucks._

_As I said before, you needed closure, and convinced yourself that you fall in love with me too. It's so easy to fool yourself if you want to be fooled._

_T__he year we've spent together… It was a wonderful dream. But all the dreams had to end, sooner or later. Or they turn into nightmares._

_I was blind for too long__, but eventually I had to learn the truth. It wasn't me you loved. It wasn't my name you whispered while you were dreaming._

_I'm not The One for you.__ And I can't blame you for not being able to love me back. You can't control who you fall in love with. Nobody can._

_You still love __him__, don't try to deny it. But you are afraid to be hurt again, after being hurt so many times in the past. But you've changed a lot through the years, and so did __he__. What if this time everything can be different?_

_Buffy__, please, don't do the same mistakes that I did after Lana returned from China! Don't settle for a safe choice. Don't rob yourself of a chance to experience a true love because of misguided sense of loyalty, or a survivor's guilt. _

_You deserve to love and be loved, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, more than anybody else, and not only because you save the world on everyday basis, but because you are special._

_Clark Kent"._

* * *

Buffy read the letter twice, fighting with the strongest urge to crush something with her bare hands. Oh, it was so Clark-like – sacrifice his happiness when nobody asked him to! For two months Clark was avoiding her. And only after his death she learned why.

"Are you okay?"

"No", Buffy's voice was raspy. "Did he left letters for anybody else? Or I can consider myself special?"

Oliver answered, warily looking at former Slayer "Only one letter, to the small detective agency in L.A. Archangel Investigations, or something like this. They probably already received it".

Buffy automatically corrected "ANGEL investigations".

She left Queen's penthouse without saying good-bye, crumpled letter still in her hand.

"_I have to get ready for battle. I've barely defeated Zoners, and this… thing is much, much, worse"._

Buffy didn't question his decision back then. She knew everything about end-of-world situations. And she understood that sometimes loneliness helps to clear your head and prepare for battle.

What a joke!

After reading Clark's letter, Buffy finally realized what happened. She must have whispered Angel's name while she was asleep after five rounds of lovemaking, and Mr. Insecure, as Chloe called her best friend, got it completely wrong.

Clark locked himself in the Fortress. And Buffy let him. She told herself that they've got plenty of time to sort out their feelings.

And then he died believing that she never loved him, that she only used him, like she used Spike after being resurrected. He really thought that Angel was her soul mate, and decided to play matchmaker from beyond the grave.

Buffy wished she could hate him for this.

She couldn't.

Clark was wrong. In the past when she was sad and alone, she felt pain that Angel wasn't there with her. But today it wasn't Angel she missed. It was Clark Kent. Sparkling blue eyes, chiseled jaw, smile that can light up a room, broad shoulders with the weight of the world on them, fingers as strong as gentle, incredible warmth of his body. And the feeling that they are the only two people on Earth.

_You are special._

"No, Clark", Buffy's voice was no more than whisper, "I'm not special, it's you. You are one of a kind. I never told you this, but it's true. And I love you".

She was alone before, but only now she felt the bitter taste of true loneliness.

**THE END.**


End file.
